Hi! I am Karishma, one part of Friends & Partners.
I worked in the social development sector for eight disenchanting years before I decided I have had it. The first few years were very revealing, and changed my understanding of the world and myself. But the deeper I got into it, the more unconscionable it felt to be working in this space. I was getting compliments for being socially conscious and helping community betterment while knowing that the work I was doing at these organisations only furthered harm. The work itself was boring and barely managed to keep me interested daily. Finding motivation every morning to get to work was increasingly difficult. I was being paid really well for doing inconsequential things passing for community work.
I guess to some extent, I was telling myself that I can have a good life and help people.
Looking back now, I realise that what I was thinking of as a good life was actually a comfortable life of conveniences. Being able to get an Uber anytime I want, replace gadgets even if they act up once, and buy stuff online before I had the time to reconsider their utility. These things make for a comfortable life, not necessarily a happy, healthy, or good one. They help buy back some time, but I would rather have all my time at my disposal to begin with (doing what I want) than be paid to buy back my time.
Writing this today, I am in awe of my journey, and feel deep respect and love for myself for how my experiences have led me to this point. This is a new feeling for someone who is more used to self-criticism than self-love. I have been journaling for over a decade, and my attempt at trying shines through: trying to make sense of the world, trying to figure my role in it, trying to always be there for my loved ones. I feel shocked and sad that I spent so much time invalidating, feeling like I am not my own person, and myself for aping other people. But I know all of those are necessary steps for me to reach here.
My conversations with Sumedh and our work has led to many new realisations for myself:
I realised that I love listening to stories of any kind, and I love talking to people to listen to their stories. The self-reflection and meaning-making I get out of this change me for the better. I can immerse myself in these stories, follow through and ask sub-questions within the life rabbit-holes people have gone into with ease.
This realisation also came only after I started unlearning my worth in terms of productive labour and money. Despite finding inequality and division of labour disgusting, it is only in this journey that I truly imbibed the reality that literally everyone is valuable simply because they exist. There is no work and hence no person that deserves to be valued more or less than another.
Further, I had to overwrite the simplistic way in which we talk about our jobs. Loving listening to stories to understand and improve myself: this does not fit into any label. I am not a “development sector professional”, and this response does not answer the question, “What do you do?” in a neat way. Understanding ourselves and our purpose is not going to come in a neat, standardised package; absorbing this into my system-addicted self took time.
I realised that social service is a rubbish, conceited concept. The only person I serve by helping people is myself — it assuages my guilt, sates my ego, and would actually be completely unnecessary and meaningless if the world were actually good. But since the world is shit and over 90% of earthlings live in suffering due to the harm caused by privileged, profit-motivated humans; it is our fucking job to help people.
In a good world, we would all need each other’s support, and we would all help each other as the most foundational requirement for survival. It would not be celebrated or complimented. It would be as natural as play. This was always our natural state to begin with: we are social animals, and that’s how we have survived.
It is important to replace this language which perpetuates this feeling of superiority and moral highground. I have replaced “social work” with “causing as less harm as possible”; and “helping others” with “helping myself and my friends live less shitty lives”. We need to think of more and not let language lumps define our interpretive toolkit.
Taking small steps to change in the present system — voting for a different leader, doing social work after retirement, buying from small artisans — are all points of reform. We are hoping this system would reform and become less dictatorial, controlling, unequal.
But the system is broken altogether, it is beyond repair. Taking steps for reform is okay, but we should be actually overthrowing the system. We continue preserving the status quo because we still benefit from it. Sure, most of us are unable to get out of the system because our financial sustenance is compromised. But let’s none of live in the make-believe that systemic reform is possible and good.
I no longer can separate my personal from political or professional. That kind of compartmentalisation does not work for me anymore, and causes extremely dissonance and dehumanises my complete self into smaller, manageable parts. My work life and love life are one and the same. And I won’t have it any other way.
Would love to speak with you and understand how you are coping, what your dreams are, and what makes you feel deeply. Trying to avoid these people, though:
